Hello.

(Apprehension set in as the sky darkened above him; Derrick had been trapped in the ditch for the past sixteen hours and he knew there was no way out. The grassy slope that marked his boundary stretched upward and away toward infinity. Any moment, a torrent of water would sweep him away, carrying him into the water treatment plant where he would be filtered out and cast adrift into the ocean, alone forever in a boat of his own flesh. If only his frisbee hadn't fallen into this inescapable abyss! If only the circus had not come to town!)

This is a singularity of sorts. Rather than start from scratch, i just copied the formatting i did on the other page. It is sort of cheap, i admit, but who's going to care?

(After the shot rang out, the masses stood silent and still where moments before they'd been gibbering and clamoring for their idol. They looked at the shattered body and were struck with sorrow. So many things in their lives had already been laid low, and now their last hope had been toppled by a lone gunman. They turned as one and surged forth, scooping the gunman up in preparation of a lynching to assuage the agony of their hearts. Like a storm, they tore across the landscape, the gunman screeching, "I didn't mean to shoot the bottle!" all the way.)

Anyway, before i degenerate into mindless blathering, i thought i would clear some things up. Number one, i don't condone, nor do i suggest, making web pages. Secondly, i believe that we should punish criminals and reward people who do good things like recycle.

(Abu realized the worth of what he had found immediately. He stared in awe at the glistening surface, the crystalline perfection of the huge black diamond. It radiated power, wringing sweat from Abu's parched flesh. It dribbled along, searing his skin as it rolled amongst the imperfect crevasses dehydration had wrought on the once smooth face Abu beheld in a flat pane of the diamond. He realized his life as an international playboy was over, but it was at best a fleeting thought as he was once more stunned by the diamond's beauty. He stared at it for several hours straight until it ruptured and a baby ostrich popped out.)

A third point has to be made for asymmetrical purposes, so let me say that i also think all television shows should be known as 'bladders'. Then no one would watch television because who wants to talk about their favorite bladder?

(His mother came exploding into his room, a rolling pin in her meaty fist. Anger contorted her features into a mask of hate and all Martin could do was shrink away, praying he would be redeemed by some unexpected deux es machina. None appeared, and so he squeaked a question as to the origins of his matriarch's fury. "You little bastard," she answered, grinding the words out with her teeth. "You ate all the cheese." Martin apologized but she beat him to death anyway.)

Now for more of the same! Who knows? This go-round, i could break new ground. Doubt it, though, because i am ... the Doubter! Ha ha!

The fingers of a new dawn crept up into the sky as the trees swayed in the wind of a dying storm's last breaths. Another day was beginning, but no one in the small hamlet realized that, during the evening, they'd been threatened by a cataclysmic force for evil, a piece of the very night itself, and their salvation had been the work of postman Alexander Nubbinorlubbin. When later asked about his involvement in driving the darkness back, Alex said, "Hey, I knew postage rates would plummet should absolute evil consume our small villa, so I did what i had to do. Also, I'm selling souvenir postcards, so if you'd like one, just ask." One such postcard is pictured to the left.

It was 1989 and a crisis had seized the US government. In the midst of the aptly named Big Problem of Seven Lazy Doormice, the vice-president had mysteriously disappeared just seventeen minutes before an important press conference. With every second vital, the White House drew straws and began preparations for the most clever ruse ever perpetrated on the American people. The volunteer by shortest straw, Edgar Valentine Jalpen, donned a specially constructed suit and went out to meet the press. The assembeld reporters were rather surprised to see the vice president stride before them wearing a ski mask. He waved aside their questions and began to make a statement when, all of a sudden, he erupted in a spectacular display of spontaneous combustion (Pictured right). The story, previously filler, now became a headline and the White House staff congratulated itself for dodging the missing vice-president bullet. A memorial to Edgar was set up in the closet of the Lincoln bedroom. Two weeks later when Vice-President Quayle was found under a tree reading Of Mice and Men, the truth came to light and everybody had a good laugh except Edgar's widow.

"My wallpaper universe is falling apart," stenographer Carter Sarbonek confided to his best friend Gary. "I keep finding socks in the fridge and none of my shirts fit." Gary knew what to do and, after a disastrous party in Carter's apartment (shown left), he wrote several letters to Congress. They demolished Carter's life and rebuilt a new one with a superior adhesive. Since then, Carter's had no problems with his existence except that he is a big loser and no one likes him.

After the plight of the mouthwash manufacturers was revealed, several money-raising ideas were bandied about. The most widely accepted was a benefit concert, but no one knew how to play the bassoon, which had an instrumental solo during the third movement of the selected concerto Secordio's Clean Tooths. Instead of settling for second best, the orchestra hired a voice actor (illustrated practicing to the right) who did a much-praised impersonation of Jack Nicholson during the bassoon solo.

What a revealing look at little known historical trivia that was! Hey, what's that below? Why, it's scrolling text! And it's been waiting for you to scroll the whole time you've been looking at the page! Who knows what brilliant wordplay and clever quips you're now entitled to? (Actually, i do, and the answer is none.) So look at the pretty scrolling text or leave. Hurry up and decide so i can go out and play.