That is Floyd. He is a dinosaur and he's paranoid because everyone he used to play Poker with is dead. The same thing happened to me three years ago so Floyd and i formed a club. Our club is the Tori Amos Fan Organization. We are constantly at war with the Elijah Wood Fan Association. Last week, Floyd ate about half their membership so we are definitely the superior club.

You can't join because Floyd and i made our club exclusively to leave you out. No offense intended.

So why do i mention TAFO? Because besides Floyd and myself, the only other members are honorary, and they have to be a blood relative of one of the club founders. Since Floyd is a dinosaur, that leaves me to fill the honorary members ranks. Coincidentally, this is the Delzinko Family Fun Happenings Page! Whoo!

Now, since this is a page that includes family members and they didn't get to choose me, i will offer them the option that i don't extend to those few, unfortunate people who somehow befriended me: If you are offended or upset by your portrayal, send me an e-mail and, when i get around to up-dating my site, you will be removed post-haste! You will be as if you never existed on the Net! Hoorah!

Our club has two members, so i feel we should both share our opinions; to this end, i will be in black and Floyd's statements will be in red. Hopefully, Floyd will have a lot of really interesting things to share with us. If he doesn't, blame the fact that he only knows four words.

Also, we'll do our best to get outside perspectives from special guests! That way, not only will TAFO seem bigger, but we'll also seem more affluent and worldly. After you finish reading this page, you'll want to date Floyd.

Anyway, with all that hoopla and explanation taken care of, let's get into the nitty gritty.

First, we'll begin with my wall from my dorm room a year ago, pictured to the right. While not officially an honorary member of TAFO, i just wanted to use this opportunity to thank my wall for not falling down on me; i know it had several chances to crush me and i never really gave it any reasons not to, but it, nonetheless, chose to spare me. Thank you very much wall. When we meet again in our next lives, i will not eat you, even if i am a big lizard. No disrespect intended, Floyd.

Floyd! Floyd! Floyd eat! Eat Floyd! Wash Floyd! Potatoes! Eat!

And our special guest, Chad "Red Threat" Waddell: "This wall staggers the imagination. It is a testiment to decorative design. The right segment surges forth, a cacophony of innocuous sheets of faceless paper, to build up the epiphany that is the left side, where everything comes crashing back down to reality with an explosion of color and imagery, as we are forced to stare into the abyss as it critically examines us right back! This wall makes me hungry for raw squid meat and I am proud of that fact."

Wash potatoes Floyd! Eat wash! Potatoes Floyd! Potatoes!

No, these super specimens of humanity are not my family. They are some people i saw once when i looked out my window after i was supposed to be asleep. After that, i began to notice them following me everywhere i went. i could count on seeing their evil super grins whenever i left my house and, eventually, whenever i left my room. Soon, i took sanctuary in my closet, leaving only once a day for necessities. After several months, i found out that the super teams' suspenders had been caught in my braces and they were only trying to get loose! Ha ha ha!

Special guest King Vitaman: "You see the Superteam and you wonder: how did they get so darned super? They made sure to get their daily allowances of the vitamins they needed to grow up super. Cripes, this is stupid. I want you to know that this is actually Chad Waddell again."

Special Guest Vince Gill: "I've prepared a song. Feel free to sing along. Come Sunday mornin' The ole church lets out. Everyone's happy but no one will shout. They're sad cuz ole Cooter lost his best hound. He drowns all his sorrows At Jim's Bar in the town."

To the right is a photograph taken of me on a cliff edge; mere centimeters from where i stood, the ground dropped off in an almost vertical face all the way down into an abyss full of jagged rocks that would slice human flesh like ribbons. Corpses litter the valley, alongside the burnt wreckage of a helicopter that was foolish enough to attempt a rescue. And why did i wonder out onto this ledge, taking my life into my not very capable hands? Because i can. And because the wind blew my hair into my eyes and i thought i was heading towards a refreshing water fountain.

Potatoes! Potatoes! Potatoes! Floyd Floyd potatoes!

Oh my! This striking piece of statuary rises like the phoenix from the ashes of its own failure. It is meant to evoke a sense of wonder at the quadruple spires lunging pointedly into the sky, their edges blunted and rounded but still sharp enough to tear the sky from its foundations. Instead, one is struck by how silly and rather gaudy the whole ordeal is. Such are the pitfalls of using artificial objects to try to fill the human psyche with wonder.

This picture always makes me wish i'd become a plumber, not because of any feeling i get from it, but due to the fact that plumbers make a lot of money because they are not afraid of dealing with nasty stuff. Oh, and that's not Floyd. I recently had to "put him down" because he tried to eat me. I just thought it would be nice if we got to hear what his last words would have been.

Special Guest Chad "Tobacco is Healthful" Waddell "Propaganda. It's all around us. Why do we put up with it? Do we not know any better? Well, come to the page that has the least propaganda in the world. If you're not sold, i'll give you my house!"

Well. It looks like we ran out of room. If you really wanted to see the whole family thing, go here.