Such was the wrath of Domerwilget the Head that he rent the very substance of space and time apart with his teeth, forged in alien fires and so strong that no object is impervious to them. He hopped through, his ears wiggling in time with his short jumps. "They will see," Domer said to himself, pausing to speak so that he would not bite his tongue off, "that I am the only man for the job." The new dimension was strange and frightening, but Domer didn't care. He was a head, and he would not be stopped!

"Hello, ladies. I am Domerwilget the Head."

"Chowsers, you in the land of Domerwilget the Head now. We don't do things like you used to, boy; here, we do things the way we want to be doing things. You think you been in the heap before, now you in Domerwilget's place and I got a lot of dishes you ought to get to cleaning."

"You listen to your good friend Domerwilget and you learn a whole lot, o'chirpa. You think you know what's up til you walk into the bathroom and there's your bathtub and your mirror and it's reflecting at you, and you think you looking nice, but you don't know that your ear is gone and it's in the mouth of the Head!"

"The indecipherable poetry of Domerwilget the Head; the scathingly scintillating beauty of Chad Waddell, turned different colors; a new universe of life and love and all that is good in the world. Truly, this is the epiphany the Information Superhighway has promised us for four years." -- Life Magazine

Welcome to Domerwilget the Head's forum for, at this point, photos digitally altered by second grade glue sniffers. Your HTML is being provided by much maligned site founder Todd Delzinko and your stylized-to-the-point-of-stupidity dialogue is straight from the mouth of the Unappeasable Appetite, Domerwilget Head. I'm tossing together this contractually obligated site at 9 PM on a Saturday night because i have no friends.

First, let's take a look at the life of our good friend Domerwilget. Do we really know him, in our hearts? No. All we know is that he has a stupid name and a stupid picture and a stupid way of talking, which makes him a perfect fit here at Delzinko's Free Tripod Site of Unending Crap.

Besides his distinctive speech patterns, Domerwilget also eats a lot of things. One could assume this is because he is a head and therefore doesn't have a lot of options on how to spend an evening. If Domerwilget had a body, we could safely assume he would spend his evenings writig poetry and making webpages, instead of hunting down nubile teenagers to tear apart and consume with his shiny teeth and hopping head hyper mobility.

What motivates this fascinating appendage? Let's ask.

"When Domerwilget the Head getting on down the road, you think he's going to stop bein' the Cannibal Dream Machine? No! This here's what you call a legacy, o'chirpa, and ain't no chowsers gonna strip Domerwilget the Head of his title to supremacy of the perfunctory pact between tooth and stomach. Hoorah!"

The Head grew up on a small farm in southeastern Kansas, where the golden fields stretched off into infinity and birds wheeled about, filling the air with their melodious songs. Young Domerwilget tended to the farm animals while his mother and father labored about the fields. Every evening, they gathered around the dinner table and shared exciting stories about their day.

Then, one horrible day, Domerwilget the Head disappeared from his farm. His parents were terrified and searched everywhere for their doting son, but, sadly, couldn't find any hint of his existence anywhere. Domerwilget remained missing for three weeks; no one knows what happened to him during this time period, but it was apparently violent, since Domerwilget returned with indestructible teeth and without four feet, seven and a quarter inches.

Most people would be so devastated by this traumatuic turn of events that they would wither away and die, but Domerwilget the Head realized that he had been granted a gift; instead of lamenting the loss of his body and a normal human life, Domerwilget the Head headed out and ate some people. Then he ate a tree and a playground. After that, Domerwilget the Head went to his secret place by the special garden and ruminated on life in iambic pentameter. Transcribed below are the results.

One dark night, a young boy wandered into the woods. He died. The next day, a teenage couple went into the woods to neck. They died. Then, a film crew journeyed into the woods. They died. Finally, the nearby town burned the woods down.

	"Ayamohavajunebug, mateys! The swollen visage of a ghost long dead sprang up before jawful Domerwilget the Head and he wondered what he would now do. When others think their head is as big as Domerwilget's, Domerwilget even! But here Domerwilget faced a dilemma; he couldn't ignore the ghost because it glowed and he couldn't eat the ghost because it would just fly up to the ceiling where Domerwilget couldn't jump to. What did Domerwilget do? Domerwilget the Head hopped around his chair and he hopped around his bed and he hopped around the ghost until the ghost fell down and then Domerwilget gobbled him down. Out, o'chirpa!"
"You think Domerwilget the Head goin to let you get through this page without learning something? No trinklehornin way! "What you see sittin there on the left with the red background and the black figure and the robust blue pockmarks is the aftermath of the collision of matter and antimatter. It's called Cohesive Dissymmetry and it's bad news for everybody, even Domerwilget the Head! Below is Domerwilget suffering a bad case of Cohesive Dissymmetry:"
	Domerwilget the Head. Chad Waddell, colored blue. The implications are astounding. However, no one told me what they are.
"Now, Domerwilget the Head don't go out looking for pictures of people that don't have some deep meaning that goes beyond depicting a state of affairs where-in an appetite will serve to decimate the existing population; Domerwilget the Head looks for picture of people in showers. Since Domerwilget could not find none, he made a pretend one. Look at the people in their shower! They do not know Domerwilget the Head is sizing them up for a snack."
	The Sorrow of Spontaneous Combustion by Domerwilget the Head I am a flickering flame Daring the night to extinguish me But it can't Because I am all burned up already. Oops. Sorry night.
"You think you been in bad places before? You standing on the last glacier in Greenland and a thousand rabid monkeys are climbing up and nipping at your feet and you still ain't seen what Domerwilget the Head has seen. He's seen the plague. He's seen war. He's seen famine and death and decay. And he's seen photos like the one to the right. To protect the innocent, Domerwilget digitally remastered the photo to be more pleasing to the human eye. Thank him, o'chirpa!"
	"In the olden days, the sun crawled across the earth like s lug, o'chirpa, scrounging what it could from the land to survive. Unfortunately, the sun had to eat a lot and it burned up everything in its path and everyone was being incinerated. Finally, a man came along, a man with a plan, and he set a trap for the sun. Chowsers! yelped the townspeople because a hero had arrived from far away to remedy their plight. He worked for several weeks and finalyl sprang his trap on the sun, but it didn't matter and he was burned up too. Flingamorshinkonautis, what a schmuck! The sun is too hot to catch in a net."

And so we come to the close of Domerwilget the Head's page of Digitally Altered Crapendium. You'll have noticed a fire fixation and a latent desire for cleverness, but all to no avail. Domerwilget the Head is polluting the Net just like everyone else; he just has a more annoying gimmick. Go away.