Allow me first to tell you a story.

"When the Universe was dark and the sky was filled only with little pebbles of hardened glue, there suddenly came to be Aurafas, the Void, and Gunther McNalliby, the local over-charging car mechanic. Aurafas came to love Gunther McNalliby because of his rugged handsomeness and repellant personality; Gunther didn't feel the same way, and he spent all his time working on an old Chevy he'd found at the dump at a killer discount.

"The rage of Aurafas began to burn, and so was born Jarnom the Sun. With burning eyes of fire and huge hands of clammy flesh, Jarnom set out to gather up all the glue droplets in the Sky, called Flambatico. Flambatico got mad, too, but he cooled off after a time-out, and so was born Pitta, the Moon. Everyone liked Jarnom more than Pitta, so Pitta swooped down and ate Gunther McNalliby. Aurafas was devastated, and slowly receded, birthing the planets out of the now condensed dried glue bits.

"Jarnom missed her progenitor so she stretched out Flambatico to create the illusion of the Void, even massing a pile of styrofoam at the Sky's base to provide a comparison. Despite creating the Earth, Jarnom still felt unfulfilled and fled, isolating herself high above the others. She circles overhead to this day, watching for Aurafas' return.

"With everyone out of the way Pitta began an evil rule over all the lands. The Moon shaped creatures to hold under dominion, but didn't count on the skills of Gunther's son, Randolph McNalliby, and his trusty Chevy. He drove around the planets gathering necessary materials and building a secret people to drive off the Moon. Pitta learned of their plan and ransacked Randolph's headquarters, laying waste to all he had accomplished. Only a single member of the secret race escaped. Its name was Alan.

"Alan liked to eat olives, and so Pitta lured him away from the Earth with a trail of olives. Alan found a secret potion left by Aurafas and doused the Earth in it; people sprang up, filling the land. Upset, Alan went a forest and was happy, since he was a parrot.

"The people found the old Chevy and drove up to the Moon. They gave Pitta a stern talking to and convinced her not to mess around with them anymore. Then they drove to a beach and admired the seashells they all found. So was created the human race and its planet and the universe around it. About ten years later, Chad Waddell was born to Joan of Arc and Sun Tzu. They were both very proud.

"Waddell. Waddell Waddell Waddell.

"While everyone else was lounging around on the beach, Waddell got in the Chevy and headed for the Sun. He spoke with Jarnom and got her secret recipe for Alfalfa Souffle before heading for Flambatico, who had a very bad headache. Waddell consulted with the Sky and then removed a really big chicken bone that had obstructed Flambatico's breathing. The Sky's respiration filled the world with clouds and life-giving rain. The bone landed in England and came to be known as Stonehenge.

"There were some guys who left the beach and worshiped Stonehenge. They were called Druids. They invented table salt and pretzels so they would never have to leave the sanctuary of their giant shattered chicken bone. A young orphan boy named Sheridan Sheridan lived with the Druids until they all died of sodium poisoning; then he opened a condo on top of Stonehenge and made a fortune.

"Waddell spent years cruising around the universe. He learned many surprising things and, supposedly, spoke to mighty Aurafas before he crash-landed in Omaha, Nebraska. Wisdom is ripe in Waddell. His head is full of lots of good information, but he still likes bands such as Aerosmith and Oasis. Drown in him."

And now you have the complete story! I am back from my sojourn across all known creation, and I am ready to share a lot about it through the display of underlit photographs of me and other people. I even wrote a parable with the help of a dictionary that I used to randomly select words to use.

I plan to someday have my favorite links, a random quote generator, and an encyclopedia of plant diseases on this site, but for now you'll have to settle for these:

Waddell-inspired writings
Waddell-written writings
Waddell photographs
Waddell's wacky friend Sheridan Sheridan

Well, enjoy everyone! You can reach me at this address. It's not my e-mail, but there's a vague possibility that I might hear a little something about it!